After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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