if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
