I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
