I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
