He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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