I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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