He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize