I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
