I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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