There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
