About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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