then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
