i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
