He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
