I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
