I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
