great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
