I wish my penis had an off switch
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
