oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
