Pappa wants mamma naked
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
