What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
