Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
