It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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