I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I think i peed on brittanys purse
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
