She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
