Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
