....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
