Your tits are I can't wait for
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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