Yo dont text me then not text me
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
