by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
