ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize