I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
