Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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