I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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