dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
