whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
