he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize