he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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