I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
