Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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