this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
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