I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
