that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
