does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
