And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
