They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
