Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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