I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
