meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
