and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
