My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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