Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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