do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
