1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
