Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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