I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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