oh god the rape fog is back!
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
