Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
