how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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