you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
