walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Semen is not good for contacts.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
