You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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