are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
MIDGETS
????
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize