Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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