I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
NoShamevember. You game?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
