You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Even the bartender felt bad for me
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
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