Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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