One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize