At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
