is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Can I color on your dick again?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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