All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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