Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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